She Won’t Forgive

She won’t forgive me for the wrongs I’ve done…now what?

Last Sunday, I asked God to search my heart and show me if there was something left unsettled, someone I needed to ask forgiveness for…

He revealed to me that there was such a person.

And the battle in my mind began…

Thoughts like; “She was more wrong than I was” “If anyone owes anyone an apology, it’s her!” “After all she’s put me through, You want me to apologize!”

Really God?

The war raged on…

I ended up surrendering to God.

I wrote to her my truth of the situation, making sure that I did not minimize anything I said or did, and made sure that I did not go into detail about the wrong things she said and did.

After I sent the text, I felt at peace.

I didn’t expect her to text back… but I’m not going to lie, a part of me hoped she would accept my apology and offer me one as well.

After all, it is Christmas time…forgive, love one another, make merry and bright.

She did respond…

But not in the way I hoped.

As soon as I seen my phone light up a notification, I felt God say; “She doesn’t yet have the relationship with Me you do.”

I knew then without even reading the text it wouldn’t go the way I hoped.

I even thought I should just delete the text…. not read it, but I did…

Let’s just say she’s not willing to forgive or able to see the events through my perception.

And, to make matters worse, by sending that text I made her “relive” the situation and caused her even more pain and for nothing!

No forgiveness

No resolution

No reconciliation

I asked God “What was the point? Why did You want me to do this when it only caused more pain, and aroused her anger?” (anger, that was contained prior to the text I sent!)

God reminded me of my prayer (be very careful what you pray for!)

He also reminded me that:

It was not her I was trying to reconcile with:

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spirtual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

God showed me that because I was fighting aginst the powers of the dark world, I couldn’t reconcile with them, because there will never be reconciliation between the dark and the light.

So again, I asked God why He had me to it then.

He said; ‘You needed to let it go, you needed to forgive yourself and you also needed to see that people of the world do not follow the same rules you do, and you can no longer be naive to that fact.”

I took away something else from this…

I now know how hard it is to win the war in one’s mind to even get to the point of being able to give an apology.

I also now know how much it hurts when your apology isn’t accepted.

And because I do…

I will try my hardest to be quick to forgive others in the future.

If you’d like to read another God post, click the link below:

Person of Honor

Hi! I'm Raynee. I am a Christian, a licensed professional counselor, a wife to a husband I do not deserve-cause he's so wonderful, a mother of two amazing adult children I couldn't be more proud of, and a grandmother AKA Mimi of seven absolutely adorable grandbabies. I am also an Optivia coach, a writer, a speaker, and most importantly (second to being a Christian that is) I am a woman of integrity and honor.

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