Day 78: Presenting at a Conference

November 23, 2021: Guess who will be presenting at a conference…

In March 2022….

Yep, your girl!

It’s me, I’m going to be presenting!

I will be presenting how to apply the Integrity and Honor program to make it ok for children of domestic violence to still love their abusive parent, but to not agree with the actions of the abusive parent (by identifying Masks worn by the physically abusive parent.)


Guess where the conference is located…

HAWAII!!!!! (God is good!)

I will be presenting at a conference… in Hawaii (God willing, He got my presentation approved, now He has to provide funding to get me there! Which I know He will, in fact, I’m so convinced of it, I’ve already committed to being at the conference!)

For those of you not familiar with the Integrity and Honor program, it’s a character building program that normalizes human behavior (using Masks), but emphasizes the importance of going above and beyond (by choosing not to wear the Masks and “ticking” 11 Integrity and Honor categories).

The goal of my presentation is for therapists to learn how to help kiddos separate behaviors (hitting, being cruel, hurting, terrorizing) from a person (the dad that the child loves.)

This is important because the child of domestic violence either believes “dad is a bad guy for hitting mom,” or “mom deserved it, she knows better than to…(fill in the blank)”

Because children, are black and white thinkers, there’s no room for gray areas.

Until now, the Masks used in conjunction with the Integrity and Honor categories provides a gray area, where children can resolve (wait for it…) Cognitive Dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is a fancy way of saying two conflicting arguments that wage war inside a person’s mind…

For example: A child of domestic violence may struggle with believing dad is a bad guy when dad plays with the child, loves the child, kisses mommy lots of times, goes to work, etc…

BUT also believes “only bad guys hit their wives”.

So the struggle ensues and the child searches for evidence that his dad is a bad guy or that his mom is the one at fault.

The relationship the child has with the abuser is going to “sway” how the child interprets the “evidence” he finds.

This process has to occur in order for the child to resolve cognitive dissonance.

Meaning, there has to be a “bad guy” in every domestic violence situation.

If, the child identifies with and has a close relationship with the abuser, they are rarely identified by the child as the “bad guy”, and instead mom is…

And so grows up believing that if their wife does x,y, z… it’s ok to smack her.

This is a very simple explanation of the cycle of violence (therapy term) or of generational curses (biblical term) that repeats domestic violence through out generations.

I found a great article that may explain this concept a little better:

Today’s weigh in picture:

Total weight lost to date: 33.6 pounds

My workout picture:

An overview of my day:


If you want to read tomorrow’s post, click the link below:

Person of Honor

Hi! I'm Raynee. I am a Christian, a licensed professional counselor, a wife to a husband I do not deserve-cause he's so wonderful, a mother of two amazing adult children I couldn't be more proud of, and a grandmother AKA Mimi of seven absolutely adorable grandbabies. I am also an Optivia coach, a writer, a speaker, and most importantly (second to being a Christian that is) I am a woman of integrity and honor.

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